coming home to an empty house
Monthly Column: All Things Healing by Olivia bowden
There are times in our lives that we will experience the emotion of loneliness.
Some people are surrounded by loved ones but never feel heard, or seen; others may live alone, dreading coming home to an empty space, where there is only themselves and their own thoughts surrounding them.
When feeling lonely is all you can feel, it has become fuelled with sorrow and self-pity, as we feel empty inside, but this feeling of loneliness is also a part of our human experience, as we want to feel close to others.
We must remember, that we are not empty and we are never truly alone when we speak with our soul.
If loneliness could speak to you, what would it say?
” Why am I alone”?
” Why doesn’t anyone want to be with me”?
“Why is the world punishing me”?
The thoughts that you are hearing from your loneliness, are your biggest clue to how you can heal from this feeling.
Loneliness is a part of us, but it should not consume us, and if it is consuming you, are you ready to address your loneliness and work towards a healthier mind-set about it?
It’s all about our understanding
The more we understand loneliness, the easier it will be to deal with it.
If I explained to you that loneliness will not hurt you, that you are safe, you would tell me that you know this, but it doesn’t stop the feeling you have.
If I explained to you that your loneliness just wants you to understand it; like the dog that is pining for attention, your loneliness is no different, and if you give too much attention to it, it will grow, into something that consumes you, like the spoilt dog that never stops jumping onto your knee.
Instead, I would like you to understand that your feeling of loneliness is the same as any other emotion that you may feel, such as happiness, saddness, or indescisiveness. If you were happy 100% of your life, this feeling would also consume you, as you would not know what else to feel. Loneliness has consumed you because you are unable to understand that it is your soul that is asking you to sit with it for a moment, and give it some attention; like the dog that wants your love.
Next time you are feeling lonely, sit with this feeling, remembering that you are safe. Speak to your soul; explain that you greet loneliness now, and allow it to be with you without any negative reaction, as your reaction is what is magnifying your feelings, not the actual feeling its self.
Place one hand on your heart and speak to your soul the words:
“I greet loneliness gracefully, I allow loneliness to be here with me for these few moments” and give your soul what it is asking for, to experience loneliness without hatred, without negativity, just love and gratefulness for sharing these moments with yourself, as you give yourself the attention that you need, by going inwards, with love for your feelings.
Do this every time you feel lonely. After five minutes with yourself, allowing and loving your ‘lonely’ moments, move on to something else and do not give any more attention to it, so that your feelings cannot manifest into something bigger than what it is, just as you would discipline a dog to stop jumping onto your knee.
You may find that your feelings of loneliness diminish somewhat, after a daily practice of being with yourself, with your hand on your heart, sending love to yourself.
Just as we crave love from others, the soul craves love from ourselves, and loneliness is an example of this craving.
Loneliness doesn’t go away over night, but you can decrease its hold over you, by doing this one simple, daily technique, as above.
Don’t be afraid to be lonely, be more afraid to allow this feeling to consume you.
To conquer your loneliness fully, pick five of your favourite things to do and set out to do them.
Force yourself to see more of the world and meet new people. For every person that feels lonely out there, there is a person that wants friendship. Your life’s purpose is to connect, connect with others and most importantly, connect with yourself.
Write down all of the things loneliness is telling you and eliminate those things as you create a life with less loneliness.
And above all, love your lonely moments as those moments are supposed to be rare, when your soul is screaming out for your attention, to be still with yourself, learning to love yourself through loneliness.
When you love yourself through loneliness, you are never alone, you have your good self, your soul, your love has turned inwards, to heal you.
- Olivia Bowden
Olivia is the founder of Girl Next Door Books and the author of the A-Z of Self Help. She regularly works with wellbeing events like Morning Gloryville to spread the message of self-acceptance and love through her writing and work.
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